imagine if girls used the same style of joke to degrade men like “cool story bro now go chop some lumber”


"what r u doing out of the garage go fix my car"

I really enjoy this

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08:42 pm: goingonanexposition539,133 notes

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10:30 am: goingonanexposition

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Panarchy, 2013

Panarchy, 2013

08:36 pm: goingonanexposition1 note

Mythology in post-hardcore music

Mythology in post-hardcore music in 2000’s

The music of my youth was probably in many respects similar to the music of any generation of teenagers post 1950’s. There was a bit of anger, a bit of confusion, fear of adulthood, with a lot of sex and drugs to combat the multitude of anxieties of becoming part of a society we did not create. But a few bands that had a great impact on my young mind delivered something other than rebellion against the parental authority and that was a searching earnestness for meaning beyond nihilism, absurdism, existentialism or imsobeyondcarringism. The earnestness was the kernel within the music and the poetry of a longing for understanding the journey in a world with no mythology to guide the way.

The journey I am referring to begins when you are awakened to your condition within a body and within a society. The journey’s duration is the search for meaning. This journey has been guided by myth and religion for millennia, when young people of tribes, of sects, of religious followings were initiated and shown the way. The initiation was an introduction to a belief system that would guide the young person into and through adulthood. For many of my generation the initiation never happened. We were tossed into a gigantic blender of clueless young people and fended for ourselves, as well as we could, choosing sides, cliques or the biology lab during lunch time. All I had for my demigods were rock stars like Kurt Cobain, who killed himself, or Jeff Buckley, who killed himself, or Elliot Smith, who killed himself, or Connor Oberst, who might as well have killed himself. But when superficial angst was replaced by legitimate concern for meaningfulness my idols fell into ashes and I was stranded.

Now while shuffling through my old ipod several switches began to go off. What I had felt all along had finally gestated. Myth had faltered because we were no longer a society of believers but scientists, who needed tangible proof. We believed in what we could explain leaving a hell of a motherfucking hole to just shrug at. And in a time of need unknowingly post-hardcore music was able to offer me a solace by admitting to being just as stranded as I had felt but not at all defeated.

Fear Before the March of Flames was an active band between the year 2002 and 2009. Their last album Fear Before became, for me, the zenith and the end of post-harcore/mathcore era. The music in this last album showed the band’s maturity in that now all the noise made perfect sense and the larger past of screaming the lyrics became a play of melodic performance and emotional outbursts. The album stroke a balance bringing the abrasive characteristic of any hardcore; the staccato of drums, the jagged lines of guitar riffs, the full assault of agonized human screaming, into harmony. But what made the album particularly meaningful was the poetry.

From the song “I’m fine today”

Floating in the ocean we were drifting all alone

he was looking to the sky for help

I was looking for the shore

he gave no apology as sharks came circling in

the answer must be here,

just relax now don’t look back you’ll only make things worse,

the answer must be here.”

I do not wish to prescribe any meaning so I will just sum the scene this stanza evokes for me. Two people are in the open ocean. One is looking up and one is looking out. They are completely silent as sharks circle them. The stanza holds no indication for whether or not they are holding onto to anything to help them drift. Either one tells the other or a disembodied voice tells them to let go. “The answer must be here” appearing twice heightens the line’s importance. The line’s tone suggests it is coming from the narrator. The anxiety of open water, of sharks, of the helplessness these images evoke speak to our biologically predetermined fear. The fear that comes from deep within the will to live. It is a fear we can all share empathy in without ever experiencing the situation itself. From these observations the line “The answer must be here” strums on a different note, changing the helpless situation into a search.

The lyrics of Fear Before serve as a conductive wire between the poet and the listener. Although the listener must forever remain in a passive role much of Fear Before’s lyrics feel like conversations.

From a song titled “Tree Man”

I’m bleeding but I’m alive.

I’m breathing but I could die.

I can’t explain why I’m made this way.

Tell me you see we are all the same.”

The messenger asks, “Do you agree? Have you found the same things to be true?” The listener, is not meant here to present an answer but rather become a link in the chain reaction of questions. And the question is a fundamental one. Where do I come from? Yet these lyrics go beyond the existential crisis of a hero isolated in his “what is this all for anyway” agony into a rejection of loneliness through affirmation that essentially “we are all the same”. For me, this simple line provides the rope by which to climb outward from the deep, dark ego filled hole of an existential dead end.

Fear Before creates a mythology within the music and the lyrics of a darkened world filled with expanses of water, immensities of land, and passing connections with other travelers. The hero, unnamed, is coming to terms with the vastness of the world and the overwhelming anxiety of simply being. For this hero the immanence of death is ever present (But i feel it in my chest, the burning fire of my fear of death). But the meaning of life is not at all hopeless. The album is coming to terms with these fears by simply acknowledging them. The answer, in whatever form, is still out there. The search is an ongoing one. And for me, the hero is a representation of positive turmoil that eventually leads to the taking of the first step towards understanding oneself.

While Fear Before describes an individual’s journey, Forgive Durden’s 2008 Razia’s Shadow The Musical tackles meaningfulness in society. Forgive Durden’s collaborative album brought together members from fourteen different bands bound by one ideal. The production took two years by recording in person and exchanging files electronically. The result is a myth that is informed by the past but has the pulse of our present condition, outlining the shifting views of our age.

The narrative takes a definitive stand in its purpose as the musical traces the history of a place called Razia. The album creates a mythical world in which the death of the hero leads to the ultimate reconciliation. The unquestioning self-sacrifice of a hero for the good of the world is a familiar myth, one that is at the center of all Christian religions. But what has been lost in Christianity over the hundreds of years of playing telephone is the essential message which Razia’s Shadow brings vividly into the foreground. Within Razia, the guiding principle is “the unrelenting constancy of love and hope”. This line both begins and ends the musical.

In the first act Razia is born, constructed by an almighty scientist with the help of Arima, a gifted angel. Arima filled with entitlement is manipulated by a spider to destroy all he has helped to create. Arima’s world is burned to ashes turning to darkness while everyone around him retreats to a new land, completely isolating themselves from him by constructing a thick wall.


Theirs would be the Light, his would be the Dark.

For centuries these halves would wait.

One world, set apart.”

A thousand years later Arima’s blood line continues within the darkness with two brothers Pallis and Adakias. Adakias is singled out as a ridiculous young man overtaken with useless romantic ideals, believing himself to have a purpose and a wish for a different life. Adakias “was laughed at, fitted with an unfavorable grafted cast for a foolish dreamer, a romance seeker”. Adakias leaves his home but not before his older brother reproaches him, echoing the society surrounding Adakias,


You are so foolish

The dark has been your home

If you elope, I’ll hunt you

Through suffering you’ll atone”


Dear Pallis, you’re my brother

You looked and watched over me

But there’s something bigger at stake

My purpose is this journey.”

Adakias escapes the dark to enter into the city of light.

He took a deep breath

He was finally gone

His hope was left strong

That a meaning would be found”

In the realm of light Adakias falls deeply in love with the princess. Their love is tested through several trials until Pallis hunts them down, as promised. In the final scene Pallis attacks the princess with a blade, piercing his brother instead, who has sacrificed himself to protect the one he loves.


Brother, I was shortsighted. I ignored your cries.

You really are the chosen one, the calculated sacrifice!”

The hero must be punctured through to become the bridge between the divided halves of the world. To return balance back to the world is to unite the dark and the light, to extinguish the separation between paired opposites. But most importantly, to make others see the earnestness in ones actions. The audience may identify with Adakias’ hopefulness and romanticism or see in themselves the prejudice against “The Dreamer”. There is an urgency behind Razia’s Shadow’s creation that dispels the mirrored reproach of Adakais’ “grafted cast”. The belief in love, as a powerful agent of good, is central to the musical.

Fear Before’s brooding world in combination with Razia’s Shadow romance has become the symbolic reflections of my own search for something to believe in. In many ways post-hardcore music served as my guiding force, as my myth. I constructed a cocoon of dress, hair (it was pink), behavior to contract the world into definable terms and ones I could deal with. The music within that cocoon became for me the old man at the fork of the road, a guide. I believe that the same forces shaped me and the kids who were making the music I was listening too. The myths they told were the ones I felt. The feeling of drifting never goes away. The search is an ongoing one. And my generations believes in the answerless beyond.

08:22 pm: goingonanexposition8 notes

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Panarchy, 2013

Panarchy, 2013

05:39 pm: goingonanexposition1 note

me for halloween =]

me for halloween =]

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Microscopic images of plants by Fernan Federici

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It’s a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you’re ready. I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Generally speaking, now is as good a time as any.

Hugh Laurie  (via classiccondition)

Hell yea

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Photo by Jaclyn Elder



Photo by Jaclyn Elder
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